Calling the Light
Living well is the best revenge.- George Herbert
I remember well the fear of September 2001. A month away from giving birth to my first child, I stood alarmed as one tower flamed and smoke trailed across a blue NY sky. I knew it was terrorism before I watched the second plane fly directly into Tower #2 and erupt into a ball of fire. I turned to my mother and said, nothing is every going to be the same again. My safety was in question as my mighty country was under the attack of hatred. What kind of a world was I bringing my baby into?
Nearly ten years later, I know. I have brought her into a world full of love, freedom and hope. So lovely is our world that I brought another daughter in to dance and laugh and play and live so mightily it takes my breath away. We all have a choice in where we point the compass of our lives. I direct mine towards the light and it hasn’t gotten me lost yet.
I am the creator of my peace, my safety, my happiness. No leader can guarantee those things, nor take them away. They live inside me and while it’s true that conditions could be made difficult, no one can decide for me how to feel or how to react. What protects my resolve so well? It’s not might; not the biggest, baddest weaponry money can buy.
It’s freedom. Freedom that was written into law and makes our country strong.
It’s diplomacy. Diplomacy that uses words to negotiate and find common ground.
It’s faith. Faith in humanity that glows amidst struggle, heartache, and uncertainty.
It’s dignity. Dignity to admit mistakes and find another way.
It’s forgiveness. Forgiveness in the face of unspeakable acts and irreparable loss.
To accept darkness would not be living, it would be succumbing. I choose to stay in the light and am committed to shining it into those places that are dim, scary and uncertain. It’s a much warmer, brighter place to be than holding rage, loathing and conflict in my heart.
One will argue that my freedom is protected by our military’s vigilance. No doubt, sacrifices are made and I am grateful. At the same time, we don’t have to live as if there’s an enemy around every corner, a threat we must avoid, a terror ready to steal life as we know it. Is there no course that cannot be reversed? No fork in the road? At what point do we lose hope and focus our greatest talents on destruction at any cost? Until we can exercise the range of our options we will never be truly free.
It seems that I was indeed changed by the events of 9/11 and the subsequent, protracted engagement to “bring justice.” I’m not afraid as I was in those early days, yet am drawn to forgiveness and strong community. There has been a commitment to change through actively acknowledging the good I find and trying to make that the baseline. This was what I wrote on my very first blog post in Oct, 2006:
We read blogs daily, looking for inspiration, fellow minded folk for oft-needed sanity checks. M, my dear husband, has been rather insistent that I launch a blog of our very own. I’ve been holding out, not ready to open myself up and lay bare my thoughts, expose myself to the elements, as it seems.
The Amish of Lancaster, PA changed my mind. One of the reasons I don’t follow news is that it feels programmed to terrify. I don’t need that. But last week it was hard to miss the quiet grace of a community faced with heart-wrenching grief. If an anguished family can find forgiveness in their hearts, I certainly can write about the reasons we have to smile. We need more examples of light and love in a world that can seem filled with darkness and fear.
Here I am again, moved by the same sentiment. Evil exists but the more light we inject, the less impact it can have. The light shines brighter. I never lost anyone to violence but I have suffered loss because of the actions of others. Creating more pain has never been the solution to feeling better. Making someone pay has never ushered a return to normal. In my experience, the best way to deal with injustice is to live fully; appreciate and celebrate all that is good and sound. Revenge rests on a platform of retaliation, an endless cycle of hatred. I choose a life of love instead. Is that idealistic? So be it. I’d rather be deluded, living in a world of hope, striving toward the common good, than donning armor in fear, preparing for a fight I can’t see coming but feeling threatened with all the same.
Today, amid messages of jubilation over the death of a terrorist, my daughter asked me to take her shopping at a store called Justice. Somehow that seemed like exactly the right thing to do. Our country experienced an horrific act ten years ago and we’ve each found a way through one day after another since. The quiet way that my family has risen above the pain, fear and confusion is to simply find as much joy as we can. We haven’t been hunting for accountability, the justice it seems most Americans have desired. We’ve not closed off our hearts, rather flung them open and risked it all. We’ve not taken our freedom for granted, rather exercised it fully and risked ridicule and doubt. We’ve not sought revenge, rather lived well. So, today we wandered through Justice for a looong time, buying a colorful new T Shirt and trinkets as a way of saying, nothing has changed here. Life for us is as we’ve made it for ten years: a shiny, happy, peaceful, loving, grateful life. On the hunt for joy.
So this is my invitation: live your days with light and loving intention. Then share that with the rest of us. It’s powerful and wouldn’t it be fascinating to witness just how far and how fast light can travel? We truly have nothing to lose and everything to gain by approaching life with optimism. I’ll do my best to create peace and happiness where I stand. Won’t you do the same in your part of the world?
