My Dancer Pt 2
So does she look bored? Everything shifted when she changed dance studios last January 2010. Camille’s most favorite teacher in the whole entire world suddenly and unexpected sold her studio and quit teaching. Camille looked to her as a mentor and had been with her since she began with Mommy and Me classes at age two. Dance was fun, dynamic, there were pretty costumes for the annual recital and new choreography every few months.
Things are different at the current studio. There is no annual recital, rather several productions that are all optional. As such, all choreography is presented in additional classes on the weekends for those participating. Since her love isn’t ballet, Camille opts out of The Nutcracker. This means that ballet class is now one repetitive techinique class after another after another after another. Jazz class for her became painful for her spine because of all the crunches performed against the hard dance floor. On top of it all, technique is getting harder. For the past few months, she’s been bored, tired and not wanting to go to some of her classes.
So what are my options as her parent? Should I:
- find ways to help her push through her boredom so she can stay on track?
- change studios?
- drop out of the rigorous pre-professional track?
- drop out altogether?
- change teachers?
- revise the schedule?
- participate in more productions?
- tell her she’s just not trying hard enough?
- remind her of her dance teacher goals?
- give it some time?
Obviously, there are many options, more than I listed. I talked to Camille and asked her what she wanted. I gave her options. I asked her how she felt and how long she had felt that way. I touched base with my own observations and how I’ve been feeling. We talked about the requirements for being in the performing troupe that she loves and how her choices could affect her membership. We talked and we made some changes together.
Passions are not prisons.
Passions make us feel good, not punished.
Passions develop skills and insights that lead to other passions; they are not holding cells.
Passions ebb and flow; they are not life sentences.
Passions set us free; they are not pits of despair.
Passions have purpose.
The danger is in believing that there is room for only one passion in a life, especially a child’s, and that quitting is failure.
The danger is in putting pressure on someone, especially a child, to do something they don’t want to do anymore simply because they show promise.
The danger is in putting someone, especially a child, in a “passion box” because it was their first or most intense interest.
The danger is in expecting someone, especially a child, to keep at it simply because they once stated they wanted it or committed to it.
The danger is in living vicariously through someone, especially a child.
Ah, there’s the biggie. As I watched Camille’s interest wane over months, I panicked a little. While I didn’t share it with her, I knew that I was disappointed. One of my childhood dreams was to be a dancer and I was sad that my daughter’s great opportunity was not going to be pursued as fully as it seemed. But it doesn’t matter what’s going on inside of me. I’m able to separate my old desires from my daughter’s.
I asked the question, what is the purpose of these dance classes for her?
Last month, Camille dropped her two ballet classes and her jazz class which were just not making her happy. She needs a break from the many hours she’s been dancing for so many years. She loves her tap class, which has always been her greatest strength, and is still performing around the county with the dance troupe. There is a tap production for which she is preparing and is very excited because she’s performing a trio with her two best dancing friends. She enjoys her role as assitant teacher in her little sister’s ballet/tap class. She’s happy.
The ballet mistress is encouraging me to convince Camille to come back because “she has been blessed a wonderful body for ballet. She has the natural flexibility and rotation in the hips that many dancers struggle to develop their entire career.” She “had high hopes for her by the end of the school year” and reassured me this is just a normal growing phase dancers experience. Her advice was to “use performances, long term goals and watching professional level ballets or performances on video for motivation.” This is all very sweet of her and I appreciate her dedication and encouragement. My high hope is immediate though: her happiness today. As a matter of course, all these recommendations have always been a part of our rich interest-based learning environment. I want the motivation to come from inside my daughter because she’s engaged rather than as a response to someone pushing her. If she’s pushed, likely her remaining love of dance will be pushed out of her as well. Where is the good in that? Additionally, how can a nine year-old maintain long-term goals? There is still so much discovery that even short-term goals are going to change all the time at this age.
Who knows what’s next? Camille is enjoying herself and she knows options are always available to her. She may ramp up her interest again or she may drop all of her classes or anything in between. I have my silent predictions (not expectations!) and I’m curious about how my daughter’s life will play out. She’s still timing her steps and I’m still enjoying my role as her biggest fan rather than her trainer. If I know anything about my daughter it’s that Camille doesn’t need stagelights to shine.
