spring
I’ve been sick. And it sucks.
For two weeks I’ve had a cold or maybe a touch of the flu and I don’t feel like myself. I rarely get sick so I don’t do well when I’m supposed to be resting. I see dirty dishes and laundry piling up even more than usual. I see surfaces that need cleaning and random things that are calling for a home. My to-do list just gets longer and I get frustrated by not being able to get anything done while I’m lying around. Life doesn’t stop so now that I can walk again, I’ve forced myself to keep going, too. Marc used an entire week’s vacation time to take care of me and the girls who also weren’t feeling well for a few days. But last week? There were doctor and dental appointments and dance classes that we didn’t want to miss. So I’ve been driving and worrying with every mile that someone would sideswipe my rental car and I’d be even more in the hole with my insurance company. The things that I like to do have gone the way of the typewriter- pretty much a distant memory.
Until the other day. My head was pounding so I did the most logical thing I could do: I grabbed my camera and went out into the light to take pictures of our pluot blossoms. I stopped thinking about what I was or wasn’t doing and about how awful I felt. I just took a moment in time and made it mine. I breathed in fresh air and looked only through the lens at something I love. It feels cliche to me to photograph flowers but I love them so much. I love my camera. I love the golden hour when the sunlight is dropping lower and making everything soft. I love spring. I love hearing the shutter close, knowing I got the perfect exposure. I love the promise of something new. I love being alone and able to focus. I love admitting that. I love getting lost in what I’m doing and forgetting that the days have been rocky. I love healing myself without the prescribed steriods and valium. I love that I own a fruit tree.
What I don’t love is taking so many photos that I can’t choose one that I like the best. Restraint is not always my m.o. which can be wonderful. Yet, when I want to share? I’m just paralyzed by the choices I’ve given myself. Carried away? Oh, yes, that would be me. I took nearly 200 pictures of a skinny little pluot tree in my backyard. I kept 152 as my favorites. The one I’m sharing here may not be the best of the bunch. I really don’t know because I stopped examining them, trying to grade them so I could find the very best one. My eyes fell on the warmth of this one and I decided I liked it well enough.
I felt better when I put the camera down. The light had only gotten better and better over the half hour I was outside and I would have continued to shoot if I hadn’t a dance rehearsal to get my girl to on time. Something happened as that lens opened and closed, letting in the warm light. It seeped into my cells and flooded my brain, quite literally, through the images I made. My head relaxed and my energy moved freely again. I forgot my troubles. It’s so easy to fall into the pain and try to fight my way out. Instead it’s better to wrap myself in beauty and passion and float along in the joy it brings until I’m on the other side.
That’s what spring is all about after all.
