::to future and past flo::
So, yes, I didn’t participate as I wanted to in reverb10. December isn’t the best month to start a new project, especially when I’ve been stalling to begin with. I’ve been thinking about the prompts, however, and many days simply wasn’t moved to share. One last attempt and then I’m off, likely, for the rest of the year. With that thought: Merry Christmas!
Dec 21 prompt: Future Self. Imagine yourself 5 years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: wrote a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)
In five years your daughters will be 14 and 10. As impossible as that is to envision, it’s going to happen. Life is going to get more exciting and also more complex as their lives bring in more interests, more questions and more perspectives. Over the next year you can embrace that change, taking steps to ensure your relationship with your daughters will be sound even as you all stretch your boundaries.
Listen. Turn away from the distractions and the noise and tune into them. Hear their message with your whole self, remembering what it feels like to be a kid. Let them finish their thoughts. Don’t be thinking of what to say next. Utilize silence. Turn off your own ideas and give them room to express theirs.
Remember you’re not always right. Sometimes, often, their experience trumps yours. Give some weight to what is happening right now instead of a distant, fuzzy memory. You are not them. They are not you.
Be with them. Not just in the same room, but in spirit. Join them where they are. Applaud for the 1,432,343,234 flip over the couch. Keep spinning until your head feels like it’s going to fall off. Make another smelly corndog for lunch and enjoy the ketchup smily face you draw on the plate. Listen to Demi Lovato’s Remember December until your throat is hoarse from singing along. Mimic Fred until everyone is laughing so hard they can’t stop. Take them seriously when they say they want to be a professional soccer player and a dog fashion designer and find them resources. It tells them you’re interested in them and that it’s worth sharing their interests with you.
Let them cry it out. Not alone, but in your arms. Their sadness and confusion can be overwhelming and sometimes they need to dump it all out. Don’t be afraid of their emotions and fear that they are broken in some way or that you’ve not given them proper tools. Expression is a tool, too. Give them space to relieve themselves while you comfort them and offer encouragement. Remind them that you feel that way, too, sometimes because it makes them feel unashamed and understood.
Hold them close. Oh, don’t ever stop touching them. They’re still the babies you bore, just a bit bigger, and physical contact still conveys so much information and emotion, happy endorphins, relaxation and connection. Hug them, kiss them, hold their hand, bury your face in their hair, snuggle their shoulders, sit them on your lap. They are tender and sweet and affectionate- don’t let that slip away.
I could write so much more. It’s Christmas Eve, though, and there are gifts to be wrapped and traditions to follow. So in the spirit of my own best advice, I’m closing this to open the way to more connection and stronger relationships. Use your time wisely, mama.
—-Your younger self.
———-
This is me, late December 2000. The big cosmic secret is that I’m about a month away from conceiving my first child. This was our “farewell Seattle” shot as we moved to Boston a few weeks later. To you, younger and longer-haired self: In ten years, you’ll have daughters who are 9 and 5 1/2. As impossible as that is to envision, it’s going to happen. Life is going to get more exciting and also more complex as their lives bring in more interests, more questions and more perspectives. Over the next few years you can embrace that change, taking steps to ensure your relationship with your daughters will be sound even as you all stretch your boundaries…
See above note.
